For what it's worth...

...it wasn't. I'm out $5 gas - $3 tolls - and 6 hours of a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
I brought my own food to the BBQ, just in case, and I'm so glad I did. Hot dogs and hamburgers are ick. I like BBQ, but only in certain instances... shall we say Gormet BBQ. A Snob. Yes. Ok. I admit it.
Some ultimate frisbee was ok, and the few times I got a chance to be involved I did very well. I contributed to some goals, even. But too many times of being wide open and completely ignored brought back elementary school and Young Women's sports bad memories. And I didn't meet any new guys. I was totally uncomfortable. With everyone.
Although, Survival Boy was there. I overheard him admitting to someone else that he has a crush on me. Hello! What is it with these YOUNG boys! So discovering that made me uncomfortable with even him.

You know those times where you're surrounded by people and you feel totally alone. YSA activities are that way for me about 98% of the time. Sometimes it's depressing. Sometimes, you don't care, because anyone you'd care to be with is no where to be found. Today was that second one.

Speaking of people I'd rather be with, I'd really like to get a job in Philly. Derek just needs more time, but I think he'll figure out how much he likes me. But right now, I only have one more month here, and that's not enough time.

Better Luck Next Time -

Woops. I totally missed getting to do anything with anyone tonight.
I had to go into Philly early for an interview, and wasted a bunch of time waiting for 7pm to roll around, as that is the standard time "people" meet at the institute to do "stuff." At 7:30 one person showed up, and at 8 we gave up. I just checked my email and I guess today they met at 6 to go to a baseball game. And I totally could have been there! Oh well.

Because I have no cell phone, and had no access to a phone, I wasn't able to call and find out what time or where Salsa dancing was, so I had to drive the hour back home. I also didn't have the expected chance to change into my contact lenses - so I was pretty blind driving in the dark with my glasses. Loads of fun.

Ah well. Another mellow Friday night home alone.

I WILL figure out where things are happening tomorrow. Valley Forge should be on a map. There's swing dancing to live music tomorrow night I'll have to try to get to also.

Oh, the interview went ok. It's very possible they'll offer me a job. Now I must hurry and decide if it's something I even want to do.

Quick Notes, what's ahead

Derek called, just to say hey. Hey. He is still saying "You should stay and work in Philly." I agree.

Idaho White finally called back last night. I told him I had a chance to move back there, but turned it down. "I'm leaving here soon enough anyway." Later when I worded it "What would you think if I moved back?" His reply was "That would be good." That made me feel happy. He would take me back. No, Yellow, No. Remember - I've moved on. Yes I have.

Plans for this weekend: Salsa dancing tonight (danger! danger! fun ahead), Hiking around Valley Forge tomorrow. Will I get/give digits this weekend? Chances are pretty high.

Guy Upon Guy

I first met Utah White, and I learned that, yes, I could settle down and have A Boyfriend. (He was a really good one, too.)

When I originally met Idaho White, I thought that I would probably never find someone as well-matched for me as Utah White was. But I learned that moving on can be moving better. (No offense Utah White - I know you sometimes read this.) But then I had to prioritize.

After Idaho White I learned that Moving On does not have to mean Letting Go. (I posted a nice blog on this - I wish I knew how to link you to it.)

And I think I have also learned that I can Move Up, and don't have to Give Up. There just may be some man who has the qualities I both Require and Desire. I spoke with a completely random (in a good way) Red in California, and though I would expect nothing to ever come of a possibility for a relationship-type-thing, (CA, NJ, PA, Oh Hey) I have again a reassurance that "My Type" does exist - not just on paper.

I often wonder if my expectations are completely unrealistic. But I don't think they are. I think they are reasonable. And so, again determined, I will not settle. . . but I would prefer to be a wife and mother in this lifetime. :)

Choices-

So I'm in the midst of choosing what job to take next. I know that "what I will be doing is secondary to where I am" although, the blessing did not mention anything regarding finding "him."

*I could hold out for three weeks until the position at my current job becomes available, but I know I'll have to turn down other offers to do that, and there's always the chance that I won't get hired here.

*I may have the choice to move to rural Massachussets, for a job that sounds fun and would greatly further my current career, but also sounds like not much time for social life - which is what I need if I plan on furthering my ultimate career goal. I don't even know if there would be any LDS population there.

*I could work that political job, which would take he to Seattle, Portland, or leave me here. It seems like a lot of fun, but again, too many working hours.

*I could take the Idaho job, and go back to Moscow - a place I love. But then there's Idaho-White, and ALL the old Swing Dancers. I know it would be fine to see them, but I don't know if I want Old-Blue-Boy waking me up in the middle of the night to play his therapist again. (He had a girl break his heart and refuses to get over it.)

*I could go back to NC and be close to family and work at the bookstore temporarily again. There's a great potential AirForce Boy there, but there's also the Young-and-crazy-but-beautiful-Cousins who were fighting over me when I left. I would prefer to avoid them.

*Or, I could disregard all options and keep looking at new ones.

"I'll go where you want me to go Dear Lord," it would help to know where that is, though.

All I have to say is

Derek has great taste in music. (I suspected as much, which was my initial attraction to him.) I'm borrowing two CD's from him now. One I like so much I can't really stop listening to it. And NO - it's not just because they're his.

I got a job offer that would move me back to Idaho - right back where I used to be. Hello Idaho-White. Hello soap opera drama of everyone I knew there. Do I really want to be a "back from her coma" character in this soap? I think...
probably not. I don't think I should go back and fall in love with Idaho-White again. We've both decided that we just don't have the same ideas on how we should get to our destination. It's difficult to travel side-by-side with someone if I want to take a miada, and he'd prefer the tricycle.

The "Dating" Lesson

LDS Boys don't know how to date. They approach things the same way they do on their mission when they are asking someone to read the Book of Mormon, or get baptized or something. The idea is, well, ok - I mean, "building a relationship of trust" first and all that is a good idea - but in reality it makes dating an awful affair for girls like me. Here's the key difference: One Date IS NOT the same as a life changing commitment to convert to a whole new way of life by joining the LDS church. One Date IS NOT a commitment! Wait 'till you know the person first before stressing over marriage potential!

But, because they look at it the same, they put so much pressure into it that most of them are just terrible at even asking girls out at all.

This lack of dating is a serious concern to any leadership of young single adults. Therefore, the boys are occasionally given "The Lesson." "You need to date these young women in our ward. It is part of your priesthood responsibility. How will you ever marry if you can't date? Brethren, will you commit to asking one girl out this week or month? Do your duty!"

And so, the men come out of class today... several have been scared to death and quickly sneak away before they have to look at any girls and feel guilty - especially since that one girl they can't stand keeps stalking and knows today was "The Lesson." Much worse, several guys exit with a new found determination: scoping their prey... who should I ask? who should I ask? Is she cute enough? Would she go out with me? Could I stand being married to her? Whoa buddy.

Hi. It's me. Just a girl - sure I'd go out, but right now I feel like part of a menu in a swarm. Would you prefer sugar candy, steak, or fresh vegetables? But also, why not look to me as a possible FRIEND first? Can we JUST go out?

What's scary is these are the days it's hardest to avoid those "social misfits." Bad haircut, bad glasses, unbecoming personality is RIGHT THERE at my side everywhere I turn. I've done good at avoiding until now (at least in this ward) but today there is no escaping talking to him. I DO, however, manage to escape the building without being asked on a single date.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't like a date - but I'd prefer one without this pressure, thank you.

One Two Three

Three days in a row with Derek Time, and all is well. The flirting is still on high level, the kissing is still non-exisitant, and the "I feel fine" level is completely in check. I'm just having fun without a worry where he's concerned now.

Thursday, he came for a walk around the nearby state-park with me. Friday, he was working in Jersey, so he stopped by afterwards. Saturday was a DC Temple trip. We weren't in the same car, but I saw him and NotDoc Boy there for a moment.

That night I had planned to go dancing in Philly. But when I got to the place where the dance was last time, the building was locked and nobody was there. I had double checked the date online, but not the location. Oh well, my bad. So, instead I stopped by for a surprise visit at Derek's. We watched a movie and had a great time.