just a little

Survival Boy got another dance lesson last night. He's going out dancing on Saturday. I might just go too... it's been a while.
I stopped by and visited Derek for just a moment yesterday. He showed me his current art project (a gift for his parents anniversary), and his latest CD... a folk music group his family loved when he was little.
Not-Doc Boy wants to come over and hang out Saturday. I just learned of some great hiking nearby, so maybe we'll go there.

I like Derek, he doesn't like me back.
Not-Doc Boy likes me, I don't like him back.
A new girl I met likes Not-Doc Boy - I'd prefer not to be in the way of that.
And I'm supposed to be hunting for my next job...

It's not like I'm GIVING UP on my dream...

I’ve come to the conclusion that my dream man cannot exist. I’ve had two boyfriends now that were everything I wanted - EXCEPT.... they were both missing one key important factor for what I want in a partner. I decided last weekend that if I did marry someone who was exactly what I wanted in every way... how would I learn from that? How would I improve? Truly, other than self gratification, how would I improve. So have I thrown my wish-list out the window? Of course not. It still shines bright and hopeful. It’s just prioritized into what qualities are comprisable or not. I mean, I’m sure there’s an intelligent, faithful, LDS, liberal, politically active, artistically talented, outdoors loving, dancing, singing, heterosexual, gorgeous, relatively skinny-but-toned, well dressed but not obsessed or spends excessively on frivolity, not-too tall, dark, articulate, good cuddler and kisser, fun and games loving, supportive, aged between 24 and 34 man who can provide a steady income for a family he loves, somewhere in the world.... but odds are some other lucky girl will find him before I do... and she’ll benefit more from his love than I would anyway. So I’ll just demand the basics... I’m still not gonna “settle.”

Friend is a GOOD word! (Sunday Edition)

So I was wanting to talk a little bit with Not-Doc Boy, just to clarify and make sure I don't lead him on - but I never really had the chance.
So yesterday, in the middle of this potluck, he starts asking me these questions: "When was the last time you had a boyfriend? What did you think about that basketballgame? Was that moving too fast for you?" Why do you want to know? It was fun. Yes.
Moving too fast? Already? As if we've gone somewhere? Yes - clarification was needed, and oh well if other people are around and might hear. He brought it up.
So I tell him I am a slow go-er. Boyfriends are something that just happens - evolving out of certain friendships. "So you think we should be friends first? yeah, I think friends should come first. That's what my sister says too."
That doesn't mean friends can't go on dates and stuff, I make sure to clarify.
Turns out, he's never had a girlfriend... never even kissed anyone. Not one of these again! Why do *I* always end up being a first attempt at a girlfriend. What's with these guys?
Also, I found out Not-Doc Boy is 22... or was it 23. I'm in the middle of being 25. Not that it's a big age difference or anything - he just thought I was younger. They always do. Just because I don't do the make-up sophisticated lady thing. I'd like to be a kid still (with maturity I hope).

Some guy I don't know very well was asking me if Not-Doc Bay and I were together. (We *were* talking in public after all. And more than once. Oh my!) No. Not at all. Dates, yes. But I'm totally available. (Hear that Derek?)

So, as far as I'm concerned things are good here too.

-
Wanna-be lawyers' been thankfully low key. He did email me today, but I think my reply was around four words long.
-
Survival Boy gets another dance lesson Wednesday.

Friend is a GOOD Word! (Thursday Edition)

And it was a good weekend.

I had Friday off for the holiday, so I wanted to do something Thursday. Wednesday night Derek had said he was busy Thursday - going to a record store... instant translation: he has a date and he's embarrased to admit it to me.

But after work Thursday, just as I was snuggling in to veg in front of a movie for the evening - Derek calls. Plans fell through - do I want to go out for dinner? YES! So I go to his place, and we go out to Baja Fresh (YUM YUM!!!). He was being unflirty - but he seemed very tired. (Wednesday was a rather late night.) I had been very tired, but the adrenaline from Derek calling me hadn't worn off and I was full of energy. Anyway, he says yes he IS tired. He *was* going to be going to the record store and be taken out for mexican food by someone else, but she had some things come up. He never did say her name - so I teased him that he didn't want me to know who she was because he liked her. He denyed it, saying she's just a friend who likes good music and they sometimes go to concerts together.

Well, after dinner we're sitting at his place, and the phone rings. Its her. I'm quiet and well behaved (as usual) but not only so I could try to hear what she was saying.... ;) I DID hear her name, though. Same as mine! So after he gets off - we suddenly start talking - like, real friend talking. Who does he like, really - who's been chasing him (Yes, I knew cute blonde divorced girl had been! But she scared him and got nowhere with him, score for me!) who's been chasing me. I got him to give me names of guys that like me. That's fun.

He DID know about Not-Doctor Boy. See, they're somewhat friends, and Not-Doctor Boy found out that Derek had been going out with me. Not-Doc. Boy said "Ah man, I wanted to ask her out!" and Derek replyed "I don't have a monopoly on her or anything." So I told him the scoop. We'd been out, he's made his interest very clear, he's a nice guy, but there's nothing there for me. We talk about scary people and the way they pursue. I tell him all about Wanna-be Lawyer and the rest. He explains that he either flirts (in public) with girls, or does stuff with them. Never both. Maybe one day we'll get him over it - be it with me, or with another girl with my support as his friend.

I told him how LDS dating has always been difficult for me because of the amount of expectation for a "real" relationship, and the automatic "possible future spouse" evaluation. He agreed. Yup, on the other hand, I'm used to guys who let me cuddle and it doesn't have to "mean" something. "It's good to be able to talk to a girl" he says.

So this talking was like a major breakthrough. Derek finally feels like the kind of guy friends I usually have... that eventually accidentally turn into something more. We decided to watch one episode of Malcom in the Middle before I left. "Well, I'm still going to cuddle with you even after all that talking," says I. His response, "Just as long as we're clear." Clear as stretched celephane. He's turning into quite the good cuddler.

I is a very happy girl. :)