You think I'm awful, don't you? It's strange because it seems that everyone, except for White and myself, think so. "How can you have a boyfriend, and still date other people?" I face this question all the time. But I have to tell you - I don't feel guilty about it in the least. I have nothing to feel guilty for. By most people in the world's standards boyfriend/girlfriend = the person you're having sex with. To me that just shows the absolute lack of morality today. That used to be the world's definition for husband or wife! Look how far we've progressed. Anyhow, there's a dictionary sitting right next to me. Let's see what it says about dating, shall we?

date: "an appointment for a specified time; esp: a social engagement between two persons of the opposite sex"
dating: "to make or have a date with"
boyfriend: "1. a male friend; 2. a frequent or regular male companion of a girl or woman, 3. a male lover"

So you see? A boyfriend does not have to fill all three definitons, only one definition is needed. So I have many "frequent or regular male companions" and you tell me what's wrong with that? Just because I would much rather spend my time with males than females I'm a "hussy" (as a co-worker jokingly called me). With this definitions I could have many boyfriends who are "taken."

My own definitions:
boyfriend: The boy I'm spending the most time with and I know cares for me.
taken: Could be a friend, or frequent companion, but do not cuddle, kiss, or seriously flirt with because you would be invading someone else's territory.
fiance: Not only have you decided to marry, but there is an engagement ring on the finger, signifying your "taken" status.
married: Don't even flirt! I believe in complete fidelity, and if a married man flirts with me than I'm calling up his wife right away!
love: yeah right, define love. Love has a gazillion defitions and manifestations and levels. I love my brother, I love White, I love Red, I still love an ex-boyfriend, I love my roomate, I love God, and they are all in very different ways. There are common elements to all, and that is trust, the willingness to sacrifice for, and the ability to recognize and care about their feelings. I think this is obvious. I reserve telling someone I'm in a relationship with that I love them unless it's the kind of love I have developed with White. I have never told another boyfriend that I have loved them. Though I have, it's never been in the way or the level you get to where you say the words "I love you." That level has a sacredness about it that you don't just toss out to every person you've kissed.

So, do you still think me an awful person? I hope not. And if you do, then you will never understand what it's like to be yellow.

Sorry for the lag
Sorry I haven't written for a while. I've been mildly but constantly sick for about nine weeks now, and have had to make trips to go see certain doctors. But what kind of fun is that?

On my last trip, I got to go see White. He was great and cuddly and wonderfully nice and fun. What a great time. Only problem was that for some reason (maybe because of the heat) both of us were constantly very tired, or in some kind of pain. We're like an old creaky couple. Emotionally he did really well until I dropped him off in Logan on my way back home. He's going to start school again, and began having more anxiety problems right before I left. Boy that made me anything but happy to leave. It sure made me worry about him. Is he going to go into a full blown anxiety attack every time something little comes up? I mean, how stressful is a marraige. I love him, a whole lot, but I think I'm only beginning to realize the effect something like this can have.

The day after I returned, Red took me up to meet his family. Actually, he told me we were going to see his mother. I had no idea that both his sisters, and his Grandmother would also be there. Not to mention two of his nieces and a brother-in-law. (I think he was an ex-husband of one of his sister's, though.) I felt kinda dumb. BUT oh! was the dinner good. Homeade tortillas, fresh and hot, yummy tamales, and just one good thing after another.

On the very next day Red came to dinner with both my parents. They really like him. They commented that he would make someone a good wife one day. I agree with them. But we're all agreed that the wife will not be me. Besides the religious differences that totally rules the thought of marraige out, I think he's to self centered for my taste in husband choices. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but he's totally in his own world. Also, he's just not fun enough. You can't tickle him, or wrestle with him, and he would never get silly in public. He's far too proper. He's a great dancer, but you can even tell in his dancing that he's always much more concerned with what he's doing than with you. I need more fun and more attention. I wouldn't do well with his attention span. Also, I can't relate to his work-a-holic life. I would get jelous of his job....jobs.

Haven't seen yellow or blue in a while. Yellow's girlfriend is back in town. He did call last Monday to see how my doc. appointment went. I think I'll call him today. I'll see Blue tonight. I'm pretty sure he's moved by now. I'm sure once Red leaves (in just a few short weeks) I'll see more of Blue. Unless I get really into school this semester.