What are Cold Feet?

The next day was complete bliss. Church suddenly felt wonderful again. I could enjoy the speakers, even when I disagreed with them. And, amazingly, I enjoyed conducting the music.

Usually, it's my least favorite thing in the world to flap my arm in front of people who aren't paying attention anyway, and if they do - it's not like you can *actually* conduct (as you would a choir, where your leading means something).

But then, the following Monday I felt a bit nervous. Is this just "cold feet" I questioned. Should I be paying close attention to this feeling? What IS this feeling?...
Ok, the more I write about it, the more it's gonna sound like there were more bad, confused feelings than there were. Truly, there were just nerves - but I wanted to be without a doubt sure about this, more than ever. My thoughts began to focus so intently on those nerves that I let those live inside me, quietly. My head knew this was right. My heart knew this was right. But yes there were nerves - and I always hold "I could be wrong" about everything in the back of my mind.

I didn't mention this to anyone, except in prayers.
The next Sunday (one week later), my Yellow Farmer peered at me with those eyes that say so much.

"Are you having doubts?" He said. "You know the last thing I want to do is pressure you. We can wait. Do you need to change your mind?"... or something along those lines. It wasn't that HE was doubting. He had fully commited himself to me before he even asked me if I would marry him. He knew I was nervous.

I responded with a quick, NO! I'm don't doubt. I promised myself to you. I know this is it... but over the course of the next hour, through his patience (which can be pulled out of a back pocket somewhere when it's truly, lovingly, necessary for us typically impatient Yellows) I admitted my nerves, were they doubts? I was unsure.

To this point, we hadn't told anyone. It was not secret, but it was sacred - and it wasn't time to share. All week, I kept thinking, and rereading the same scripture, and I shared with him: "If thou shalt ASK, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things - that which bringeth joy, and that which bringeth life eternal."

"Ask who?" was his response.
Something kicked my brain. I'd been praying, but had I been asking? And, it doesn't even say "If thou shalt ask GOD...."
"Actually, it doesn't specify."

Wisdom speaks from my Yellow Farmer, "Well, we DO know people who have gone through this before and DO know what it feels like. We could ask our parents... (Both of our parents have remained together.) And we could ask friends we have that have been divorced, 'cause they may have a better sense of a warning feeling... but really - whoever we ask we still have to know for ourselves, because everyone's experience is different."

Joy! Peace! Mysteries! Life Eternal! Knowledge!

I immediately felt better, before speaking with anyone. I do have one sister who strongly speaks of how she KNEW, and couldn't deny it. And another, more level headed sister, who admits she never really KNEW, but nothing said it was wrong... So, I called them. I asked.

Here's what got me: "What, specifically, are you worried about?" asked one sis.

Nothing.
I was worried about nothing!
And then, brilliantly, even the general nerves left me. I discovered it. I knew. Revelation upon revelation. Here Lord, look on my heart.

So once again, my answer was yes.
Let's get married!