Some comments deserve to be more than just comments - so they will appear now as dialogue. anything in [brackets] is what I have to say...
“You spend a lot of time wondering if he is smart or not.”
[It sure appears that way, with how little I write. That in itself is not a true concern, the thoughts have been more about what makes someone a "smart person" and whether anything like book smarts really even matters in the committed companion-type picture. I've been on dates before where guys can only talk about their favorite band, or movie, or sports team, and there's no substance to anything they have to say. I quickly get bored with those types. Then, there are those who are self-professed "very intelligent people." These are usually the type who are into science fiction and book facts in an unbalanced, not socially intelligent way.]
“Intelligence really is a hard thing to measure and I doubt any of US (me or you) are qualified to judge.”
[I agree exactly… with almost everything you say here, which is why I'm going to repost it as a post, and not just a response…]
“ When I think back on our conversations and read your posts you spend a lot of time on this smart thing and it seems your idea of 'smart' may be quite narrow.”
[I seriously think this is just a misperception, or miscommunication on my part of what I'm really thinking.]
"Have you thought that there may be some things that are much more important than being smart?"
[Absolutely! This is exactly the point I've been thinking in my head, but obviously not communicating in my writing.]
"How bout the quality of his character, how he treats you, and his adherance to gospel principles?"
[From what I know so far, he shines in all of these catagories, and that's what's important!]
"Comments about the 'healthiness' of your food is no more condescending than judging someone elses intelligence."
[It was about his tone of voice. All about the tone. It was also a joke at which we both laughed.]
I find it interesting when people write in journals or sit and dream of what they want in a spouse.
[Perhaps I should post what I’ve written in my journal. Perhaps you'd be surprised. Do you remember my job posting for a “celestial asset”? It is more descriptive. Perhaps it can be found in the archives.]
There are so many combinations of traits and personalities out there that I believe preconcieved notions are simply too limiting.
[Aye. Agree.]
I would rather treat people the same way I think of art or music... I know what I like when I see it. Everyone is entitled to preffrances (sic) of course, but why would a new like be tossed out our doubted simply because it isn't the same as past likes? Makes no sense.
[Sometimes when you first see or hear something you like it, until you look closer. Sometimes you don’t like it, until you look or listen harder. I accept people very easily at first meeting, and it is a major reason why I have been on so many dates with doubtful prospects. Take a closer look, perhaps there is value. There is always value! I’m just looking for an asset, rather than a liability… to take the advice of a really neat guy who goes by Gordon B. Hinckley.]
Don't like when people do things out of obligation?
[That’s a broad sweeping statement. What I mean is, when priorities are misaligned due to feelings of obligation. There are times when doing homework and/or getting sleep should be prioritized over driving the 1/3 hour out to see the last five minutes of a debate, and then go to the store to watch a girl buy shower hooks. Flattering that I would be chosen, yes – except for when there are underpinning feelings of frustration during the entire night.]
Seems to me that when someone does something they don't really like to do, in order to spend time with me, that would be quite flattering. I am not a wise man
[are you sure?]
but I do know that a huge part of marriage, and parenthood, is doing things due to obligation.
[Agreed. Priorities!]
I do lots of things I don't enjoy simply to make others happy. It's called sacrifice and compromise and if you are not doing things you don't like to make others happy than you might be the problem (I'm sure you do things ie. watching football).
[Begin responsible and doing his homework makes me happier than wasting time with me. Had we been doing something – quality time – the story would be different.]
Lighten up on the guy, enjoy yourself a little.
[Misrepresentation. He’s great! I do!]
In regards to temptations of the supervisor sort...isn't that an HR issue?
[Never see him, he is in the Philly office. I’m in PDX. There is inter-office dating throughout the organization, though.]
Being tempted by the fruit of another (thats a song)
[gimmie some credit! I know that.]
really has little to do with if you like Mvob or not. Appreciation of others is a natural reaction and whether just dating or married for years its always possible. What matters is what you do about it. If you respect the person you are with you avoid all situations where innapropriate interaction is possible or even possibly perceived. All that aside kissing the person who hired you sounds real fishy.
[Ok, the story is, he was a really cute guy that I was totally attracted to, but I never followed through on that because this guy was interviewing me. Even when he made sure I knew about a swing dancing event, I remained on the other side of the room most of the time and flirted with other dancers. Then, in Boston, as he was the only single guy there I was teasing him for being so wanted by all the females –which was true. I also teased him for being so nice to them. He admitted he was overcompensating… which led to a discussion about how we were both attracted to each other and never followed through for profession reasons, which led to a kiss – as he was no longer in a position to be deciding what direction (hire, no-hire, move around the org., etc.) my career may take. He knows I have a boyfriend now, so I’m sure if I do decide to go to Aspen, that would be respected.]
Honestly it sounds like you are looking for reasons not to like this guy. If thats what you want than I am sure thats what you will get.
[That is what it sounds like, but not what it is. I just like to write out any concerns on my mind to think them through, and then no longer have them be a problem. I do think things through pretty heavily – dating and what it leads to can be a big decision in ones’ life. Honestly, I DO like him, I’m just weighing possible concerns and if they have any important value. Level of “smartness,” I have decided, is not a prioritized issue. Different. Not what I had expected. But then again, I don’t really expect anything in particular, which is why I enjoy so many turns and surprises in life. In certain ways he’s as sharp as an Exacto knife.]
These comments from Amie Roo also deserve further comment….
As my mother always said "When in doubt, don't". If you doubt things about the relationship, then don't be in it.
[It’s not doubts, just careful observation and consideration. Pre-marriage decision, 90% head – 10% heart time.]
… LDS people we put a lot of pressure on relationships early on because of the marriage goal.
***[And the winner for hitting the nail right on the head…]***
… remember not to make any big life desicions during that time of the month! ;) Wait until the hormones subside, you'll be able to think more clearly, trust me!!!
[Somebody understands what was *really* going on with any negativity of the time!]
