Derek Time

Yesterday may have been my only Derek time for the week. He's getting very slightly more flirty each time we're together in public - but there's still not even close to any idea of us being together. That made no sense.

Not-Doctor Boy thought I was mad at him becuse he wasn't getting my emails. I'm worried that he may just be too overly sensitive for me. But again - still too early to tell.

There might be happenings on Friday... fondue and "A Pyromaniac's Love Story"... and all boys may be there.

Saturday WILL be Wash DC - no Derek, yes Not-Doctor Boy.

The Phone Call

Not-Doctor Boy wanted to know my schedule for the week on Monday. I didn't answer him yet because I wanted to give Derek the first choices at filling my schedule.

Derek called Monday night, just to call. I was hoping he'd mention doing something this week (aka ask me out) but he didn't. I thought it would be his turn, as I seem to ask him most of the time. Oh well. He did check to see that I was coming to class Wednesday (tonight). But c'mon man! Call me! Ask me out! It's your turn.

Perhaps I'll ammend my thought about what Derek will do when he learns of Not-Doctor Bay chasing me. (Did I mention a good friend of Derek's saw Not-Doctor Boy and I together last weekend?)
Before I said he'd either step up and compete, or be relieved. I decided I don't want him to be relieved, but I forgot what I usually do in a situation like that... back off and let the other one go for it. I don't want Derek to do that!

So, now that I am getting to know his other friends a bit, I think it's time to try to discover what he thinks about things through them... I'll talk to Video Boy... (the friend who made the video I linked to a while back.) Maybe he'll give me some good news, or at least help clarify.

The "M" word...

I grew up in Utah, where *everyone* (not just Mormons) gets married young. It's not like I avoided it purposely or was against it or anything - I just knew I wouldn't get hitched that young - call it a feeling/whatever. My guess was closer to 30 than 20. (I'm already right!)

If I said I wasn't going to get married at a young age while I lived there, people interpreted it as a low self esteem issue. "Oh yes you will," they would say reassuringly while patting my arm, "you'll be married before I am for sure." Ok!

Visiting old friends, now married and usually with a child, I was again reassured, "It's ok. You'll find somebody." My thoughts were, "Yeah I know. I know it's ok. That's WHY I'm still single. If I didn't think it was ok, I could easily be married by now." But I have standards. If I'm going to commit to a life (and more) partnership with someone - they'd better be worth that commitment.

Now - at only twenty-five - if I go back to visit... it's even worse. As they reassure me in the usual way, but the look in their eyes says "what's wrong with this girl? Why isn't she married? Oh well. Not all of us are meant to be married in this lifetime." Yup. That's it, I'm broken. Good thing I don't feel that way! Good thing I've moved out of that land into a land where people still think I'm too young to consider marraige. (Some people still think I'm a teenager too - upon first meeting. Hurray for looking younger!)

Marraige and Motherhood always have been goal #1 for me, but that was 'sometime it the future' - until this summer. When I lived with my sis and her kids I thought, 'this is great! I wanna do this now. I'm ready.'

My close married friends tell me they love to hear the drama of my dating life (thus this blog) but they are all so glad they don't have to play that game anymore. I agree with them. I'm having fun - but I'm ready for different kinds of fun. Now, I have to be weary of that "I'm-spouse-hunting" smell that always immediately scares others away. (I know it scares me away!)

I tried, for a moment, a different style and let myself get taken on the dating ride. Nope, I did'nt like that. So I'm back to my original format that I like. I'm in control, and I just sit back, have fun, and take things as they come. Yes, I'd like things to happen now. I'm ready to get serious. But if I push anything, I could end up making a mistake.

I'm not goint to let my sense of urgency lower my standards (nor my fun).