An email I sent after a night where my Yellow Farmer spoke of how he loved me, but then again said how he didn't consider me a girlfriend yet. Most people think that's strange. I didn't, but I did ask him how he thought that could be. I thought it through that night, and wrote him this the following morning:This is weird.
I don't know if I've ever been with someone who speaks so openly aboutthe status of "us" and still sees things regarding "us" in the sameway I do. One guy said straight out on the third time we hung out "I want you to be my girlfriend." [
MVOB. He knew what I wanted to hear at the time - I just spent my time with him figuring out if I wanted to hear it from *him*] I said ok, but still felt uncomfortable everreferring to him as such, and when people would call him my boyfriendI was kinda go 'eh?'
But I was thinking how weird it is that I put things one different levels, I thought they were so different than what most people thought. How could I date someone and still be totally into dating others on one level, then date someone and not be interested inothers, but not at all be comfortable with the title girlfriend/boyfriend, and then get to that point, etc. So this is what I figured out, and really my point and I could have just begun the email here:
I think "levels" of relationship are actually commitment notnecessarily to the person, but to conflict. What is mean is:
1-Casual Dating: No desire to deal with any conflict at all.
2-Solo Dating: Having a good time together, and not reallyknowing/caring if you'll want to 'work it out' if any conflicthappens.
3-Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Committed to Trying to 'work it out' ifproblems come up.
4-Engagement: Trial run of committing to 'work it out,' but still with an out.
5-Marraige: Promise to 'work it out.'
If that's what it is, that explains why falling/being in love can happen at a level before boyfriend/girlfriend. For example, I'd put my interest in you at level 2, solo dating, not because I can't be dating other people, but because I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm more interested to see how things work out *with you.* That doesn't mean I'm going to ignore other guys, though. I could be falling (jumping) in love with you right now- but I'm not committed to forcing myself to stay that way. I could love you right now and not feel committed to or expected to love you tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I won't be in love the next day. It's weird, I know, but does it make sense?
And maybe they get to the next level when you expect to love them tomorrow and the next day and want to stick with that love.
HMmmmmm.
Oh, and I just realized that any guy that's ever been my boyfriend hasonly had one girlfriend before me. Patterns are fun.
