Valentines Day Discussion

I sent a friend a valentine who replied with the typical single Bah Humbug. I said it's about love, not just relationships. Begin the conversation:

He said:
ok, so I have no heart. (referring to why he's a conservative - an earlier conversation)

You are well aware that there are a variety of different kinds of love. Maybe I should spend Valentines Day thinking of all the people in the world that I value and admire. That would be worth while.

But there is a particular kind of love that is often associated with Valentine's these days that is not an active part of my life: Romance.Have you ever read anything about those rituals in ancient pagan religions where everyone would wear a mask or get in a dark room, or just get drunk and then make love? Well, I honestly do think that would be the best way for me to ever participate in the whole love-making bit.

The reason the mask thing would fit me so well is that I think the primary reason I am still single is that I have a hard time linking my identity with someone. If I don't identify with someone it is hard to love them in that sense. It requires more than empathy. It requires a sense that they are your counterpart. In other words, it is hard for me to feel close. Maybe wearing a mask or getting drunk would bridge the gap.

I Replied:

Romance is only associated with Valentine's day because that is what you choose to associate it with. It WOULD be worthwhile to dedicate the day to recognizing and appreciating those you value.
Have you seen Eyes Wide Shut?
I do agree that real love-making (not to be confused with simply sex) requires more than empathy, but I think thinking of someone as your counterpart is not the correct way to do things, in fact I think it is unhealthy when couples think that way. You need nobody to complete you. Recognizing, appreciating, reveling in our own individuality is IMPORTANT! When we find another who's presense in our lives magnifies our own individuality, that is the doorway to love.Too often, people feel that drive, a need, to be with someone. When they find someone who gives them attention THEN they FEEL complete, but are only so artificially.

I don't need someone who needs someone to complete them. I do, however, think it would be best if I had a companion, someone to share respective journies with, to help my fulfill some of my Individual goals - including mothershood. I have a huge respect for the family construct and think, if applied properly, it is the most powerful organization we can join in our lives... a power that can be good or evil.Romance is strictly a choice. There is no such thing as falling in love. You must jump. (Even if it happens in gradual doses, it's all your own effort that makes it happen.)

Lazy Vs. Different

To publish part of a recent conversation with an artist-new-friend:
I asked "Many people desire to be/think different. I hear it a lot, to the level of cliche. You do not seem cliche to me. So, explain, if you so kindly would, what being different means to you and why you desire it:"

He wrote:

"Thinking the way I do: Once I was old enough to realize most people were a bore, it caused me to question why and who didn't fit that category. It's really laziness. We don't need to labor all day just for our food in this society. Most just give up beyond what they have to do succombing to the disease of complacent normality. They won't give energy to creativity, thought, physical activity, skills, crafts, or talents. They just sit there. That's very sad, but I decided I'd do two things about it. First, know that I can't change others, so I'd merely hope to inpire them by example. Second, I can make a lot of money off these uninteligent consumers of everything they don't need. Not really, I just love to entertain and excite people.

Being different takes more energy. It explores areas of life and expression that most will never know. It's sad. Like going through life with wings in your back you never knew you had because of all the time you spend sitting in a chair, sleeping, or engaged in mundane activities using 2% of their brain. I want to really be alive in the time I have. I am also bored with conventional thinking. A home is square because a square is the most COST effective way to build. Cost. That's it. After a while, people actually think they prefer to live in square rooms. Wake up. You live in a shoe box because it's cheap. (Not you, I'm just yelling into the air). You've lived a discount shape for so long that you've made it desirable as a society. Now the guy that works harder and lives in an interesting structure is a freak and less desireable. How backwards this is. You only look down on it because you don't want to put the effort into anything other than putting the recliner back and lifting the remote.

I know I'm making incorrect generalizations, but you get my point?"

I wrote:

"Re: Laziness...

I've been writing like words are as important as oxygen for me lately. One of my most recent journal entries was about laziness, and my fear of it. I know, however, I have a very strong tendancy toward it - but it does not manifest itself in the way you decry... (Decry - is that really a word? I like it anyhow.) I've been jelous of the attention TV gets from the time I was little. Not that I think *I* should necessarily be the one getting attention instead - but that the imagination, brain, conversation, people in general should. My laziness is not one of imagination. Your comments about square houses remind me of when I was walking on Hawthorne last night. I was walking. Why walk? Everyone walks. I decided to run. Usually I hate running - for runnings' sake. But I wanted to run because I could... like that urge children get to run the second they get the chance.... I ran - and it made me giggle.

I flow constantly from one creative output to another. Create music. Create poems, stories, plays. Create action. Create dance. Create connection. Create crafts (macrame, beadwork, etc). Photographs. New tastes - food combinations. Recently - my first performance art piece. Create groups of people. Create events. I can't NOT create. My imagination is not lazy, and for this I am thankful.

But lately, I've been a lazy consumer. I know I shouldn't spend, I can't afford it. But discipline I don't have right now. I think it each time I touch my wallet. Don't spend. Lazy me says Don't wait.

I love to think deeply, explore ideas. But getting to a conclusion - something final - something I definetly believe in, is unusual. I've been afraid these past few weeks that I believe in the church out of laziness. I've been seriously contemplating it. I DO believe perfection is possible (though a process, not a static result) and I DO strive for it - at times harder than others. But it's easier for me to be good when I do what's taught at church. Laziness? The most saint-like person I know is not a member of any church. He's striving for perfection constantly. I look at my actions, and I think I'm lazy. Whoa to he that is at ease in Zion!

But in my quest to be creative, to be a positive contributor to society, to inspire, to share - I don't think of myself as different. The more I explore others, the more people I find that are like me. The more "different" philosophies I study, the more all things seem the same to me. Are "people" really so different? Yes, your points are all good. Generalizations certainly serve a purpose. Perhaps I just have a hang-up with the word different. I love words. It comes down to little - simple things."

Questions

My world is full of questions right now. I go through this sometimes. It's a wide eyed poetic experience.

I've always sorta separated church and gospel... thinking the first is good, but not IT - and the latter is IT.
There are many ways to climb a mountain, some more effective, some more beautiful, but not matter what - there is only one way to reach the top = UP.

But then, I was told, there are many mountains to climb, but if you want to climb the highest, say Mt. Everest, everyone has to climb the same way.

But, does one CHURCH *really* have the monopoly on the equipment to climb that icy summit? Is there a monopoly on the mountain?

This is a different kind of questioning than people often assume it is. I am NOT trying to find a way to justify any wrong actions. In fact, I am seeking a way to truly believe my justifications for what I believe to be good actions.

This journey of exploration is taking me to unexpected places.

Valentines

Portland Perfection called me today, for the first time since he got back together with the x. He's been very sick with a bronchial infection. Poor PP.

I spent 5 hours on the phone last night with an old friend from middle/high school. It was great to catch up with him, and he's actually probably going to come out and visit me next month. My sophomore year, he took me to prom, and was a very bad date. If/when he comes to visit, we'll do a do-over. That will be fun!

Idaho White is coming over for my creators salon this weekend.

I met several new exciting guys last weekend, and attended my dream party on Friday night, and another very good party Saturday night. Interest the first: a lawyer who's a great blues dancer. Interest two: a guy from Seattle I spent two hours talking with. Interest three: the host of Saturday's party - remind me to tell you about his home. He's an amazing artist...

For this weekend, excited am I!