He Misunderstood

I spoke with Mvob yesterday. I needed to tell him that I've met someone else I was interested in. Mvob, again, appeared to take it very well. He told me his feelings for me hadn't changed, but it was good of me to let him know where I was so he could let go of some of his hope.

One of my friends heard from him that we were broken up. He had told her I needed time to think about things, but I don't think he had totally realized that it really was a break-up. He's really a sweet guy. I hope I can remain friends with him without things being weird. Unlike most guys I've dated we didn't really have that friendship development stage - so it does feel wierder...

Well, actually...

(For any readers who are not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, this is what I refer to when I say "activity" or "the church" or "a member." As I am part of the church, and dating within this realm is part of what this blog is about, it's easier just to refer to things that way.)

I haven't been completely honest here. Portland Perfection's current activity in the church is in question - within his own mind, and I don't know to what extent in his actions. He's experiencing the same questions between doctrinal teachings, cultural practices - and things that don't seem to add up - that I had about a year ago. When I was seriously tackling those questions, my activity never dropped off, but mentally I was unsure if staying a member of the church was really the best way for me to go. I was re-finding my place and my role as a member and I'm really glad I went through that.

On one of our very first dates he told me he wanted to be completely honest with me about where he stood in terms of church membership, etc. He didn't want to make me think he was perfect EQ Pres, weekly temple attending man (as he had been in the past). He told me exactly where he is now and that's he's really heavily questioning where he fits in to it all.

Him telling me this really excited me because I could relate in a way that I've never really talked to anyone about before - except one night where I called up the old best friend, Utah Band Boy, and his wife was wonderful enough to be ok with him helping me talk through some things. It also excited me that he was that upfront and honest about who he is and where he stands right now in life. That (he likes to call it) "authenticity" (which I really like) is something I actually require from people. I don't demand it in a mean way - but I'm so real about who I am and where I stand on things that others either feel safe opening up to me, which I prefer, or they avoid me because it's intimidating.

It's exactly why I could never play that game of just being cute and dumbing myself down for the sake of getting a guy. I need a guy that is self assured enough to be comfortable with a girl who is self aware and self accepting.

I applaud where PP is right now. In fact, I love it. People should delve deep and question these types of things! And I realized I'm totally ok if those of you who know me and are lovingly protective of me freak out now. I began this blog to be totally honest about my relationships, and I shouldn't let fear of family reading hold me back from things I really want to say.

So there it is.

The Divorce

Without ever eliciting it, I got the story of the divorce, which rests aside possible worries.

He was young, and not active in the church at the time. Neither was she. They had a civil wedding. They never had children because he knew they weren't ready for it, and had a bad feeling any time she brought it up. He really wants children in his future, though. I think he said the marraige was four years long or so - and although it wasn't the greatest marraige he would remain loyal to her, unless she had an affair. She did. He had a difficult time after the divorce, went through therapy, loves the direction his life is headed - doing what he always wanted to do, active in church, and also appreciates where his ex-wife is now. (She changed a lot as well, and is now sealed in the temple.)

So there's that.

People are Beautiful

I just can't keep up on details of what's happening right now. For one thing, I don't have the compelling need to figure things out and therefore write about them because things are so amazingly perfect. For another thing, I just flat out have not had time.

The first weekend we were supposed to go to the performance art workshop - an ice storm hit the city, and it was cancelled. So we spent the evening with a game of chess, and talking, which we end up doing a lot. We are both talkers and thinkers and I really missed that with Mvob. Not that we didn't talk, just not at the level that gets my insides spinning with excitement.

So, the workshop was rescheduled for last weekend, so (after a day at the coast) we attended. I met, and immediately loved and fit in with his friends. They are All SOooo "my" kind of people. Very artsy, very honest, very real, very passionate and hopeful, and most of them were actually LDS.

Portland keeps getting more perfect every day.

Sharing a correspondence:

From Me:

My tender bruised shoulders thank you again for your kindness and craft. (I carry enormous tention in my shoulders, which no one has ever been able to erradicate. PP ((Portland Perfection)) did make a little progress, though.)
My sleepy eyes appologize for keeping you up so late. (I left at 1:30 - too too late. We get lost in conversation. YES - conversation, I jest not.)
My tummy, taste buds, and sinuses are still grateful for the meal. (Sushi. He made me try some with wasabi - thus the sinuses being grateful.)
My skinny fingers and stubby toes appreciate your appreciation. (We talked about his former hangups about hands and toes, what he hates about his - and the kind he likes, which happen to be the kind I have.)
My tired wardrobe calls to excersize some items that have been on the hanger too long. (He likes wild and crazy clothes, which I have, but have not worn in a while...)
My heart is still aflutter with hope, exploration, adventure, and possibility. (It's true.)
I look forward to seeing you through and within the mirror. (In regards to his performace art piece he'll be doing this weekend. I helped him think through his idea.)
Thank You.

His Response:
You're welcome.
No need.
My pleasure.
I appreciate your appreciation of my appreciation.
Wardrobe demons out!
Ah, portentousness.
I look forward to feeling your feminine roar. (this, in regards to what my piece will be.)
No, thank you.