Some Big Decisions...
When I was a senior in high school people said I would have no problem getting scholarships. Indeed, I shouldn't have. I had a great GPA, a fine ACT score, I was president of several things, involved in many in-school and out-of-school extra curricular activities. I knew I would need a scholarship to go to college, as my parents would not be paying my way for me.
But every time I had a scholarship application in front of me, I would be faced with a question: "What's the most important thing you've done?"WHAT?!! I was born! I don't know. What have *I* done? How can *I* gauge that? What if smiling at a stranger was the most important thing... I don't know!So this paralyzation would hit me, and I couldn't continue the application. The more I thought about the question, and the application, the more I couldn't think at all. I got a measly little scholarship for playing piano, of all things, to a school that I had no desire to go to. Every time I told people I was going to that school, my stomach would drop.
Finally, one day, when someone asked where I would be going to college, magic words surprisingly just popped out of my mouth "I'm not." Whoa! I'm not? I'm not! Wow! What a relief. That's exactly what I never expected to say, and never was supposed to say - but when I finally said it, I knew it was SO right.*
That's how I feel right now with big decisions in my life. Church, My Yellow Farmer, etc. I'm just paralyzed. If I even think of it at all, I can't think of anything - and the more consumed by being paralyzed I become. But I hope, one day, the answers will just blurt out and I'll know.
*I worked for a year and looked more carefully into colleges before I went...
But every time I had a scholarship application in front of me, I would be faced with a question: "What's the most important thing you've done?"WHAT?!! I was born! I don't know. What have *I* done? How can *I* gauge that? What if smiling at a stranger was the most important thing... I don't know!So this paralyzation would hit me, and I couldn't continue the application. The more I thought about the question, and the application, the more I couldn't think at all. I got a measly little scholarship for playing piano, of all things, to a school that I had no desire to go to. Every time I told people I was going to that school, my stomach would drop.
Finally, one day, when someone asked where I would be going to college, magic words surprisingly just popped out of my mouth "I'm not." Whoa! I'm not? I'm not! Wow! What a relief. That's exactly what I never expected to say, and never was supposed to say - but when I finally said it, I knew it was SO right.*
That's how I feel right now with big decisions in my life. Church, My Yellow Farmer, etc. I'm just paralyzed. If I even think of it at all, I can't think of anything - and the more consumed by being paralyzed I become. But I hope, one day, the answers will just blurt out and I'll know.
*I worked for a year and looked more carefully into colleges before I went...
posted by Amberlynn at
6:32 PM
|
1 comments
