Valentines Day Discussion

I sent a friend a valentine who replied with the typical single Bah Humbug. I said it's about love, not just relationships. Begin the conversation:

He said:
ok, so I have no heart. (referring to why he's a conservative - an earlier conversation)

You are well aware that there are a variety of different kinds of love. Maybe I should spend Valentines Day thinking of all the people in the world that I value and admire. That would be worth while.

But there is a particular kind of love that is often associated with Valentine's these days that is not an active part of my life: Romance.Have you ever read anything about those rituals in ancient pagan religions where everyone would wear a mask or get in a dark room, or just get drunk and then make love? Well, I honestly do think that would be the best way for me to ever participate in the whole love-making bit.

The reason the mask thing would fit me so well is that I think the primary reason I am still single is that I have a hard time linking my identity with someone. If I don't identify with someone it is hard to love them in that sense. It requires more than empathy. It requires a sense that they are your counterpart. In other words, it is hard for me to feel close. Maybe wearing a mask or getting drunk would bridge the gap.

I Replied:

Romance is only associated with Valentine's day because that is what you choose to associate it with. It WOULD be worthwhile to dedicate the day to recognizing and appreciating those you value.
Have you seen Eyes Wide Shut?
I do agree that real love-making (not to be confused with simply sex) requires more than empathy, but I think thinking of someone as your counterpart is not the correct way to do things, in fact I think it is unhealthy when couples think that way. You need nobody to complete you. Recognizing, appreciating, reveling in our own individuality is IMPORTANT! When we find another who's presense in our lives magnifies our own individuality, that is the doorway to love.Too often, people feel that drive, a need, to be with someone. When they find someone who gives them attention THEN they FEEL complete, but are only so artificially.

I don't need someone who needs someone to complete them. I do, however, think it would be best if I had a companion, someone to share respective journies with, to help my fulfill some of my Individual goals - including mothershood. I have a huge respect for the family construct and think, if applied properly, it is the most powerful organization we can join in our lives... a power that can be good or evil.Romance is strictly a choice. There is no such thing as falling in love. You must jump. (Even if it happens in gradual doses, it's all your own effort that makes it happen.)