"Bishop, what are you doing on Friday?"
He said he could make some time in the evening, do I need to come down to the church and talk about something.
"Actually, you're about to find out how crazy I really am. I was hoping you could officiate my wedding for me..."
This caught him totally off guard. "Of course, for you! Anything! Congrats! What time? Where? How long do you want it to be? I'll re-arrange my schedule for whatever you want."
Do I have a great Bishop or what?
Then, it was all business and details. It would be at the beautiful little round park in the center of my neighborhood. We needed witnesses. We began very selectively calling friends to ask if they were available to help us with a big surprise on Friday at 6. It turned out to be a bit harder than we thought to find two people who could commit to be there, but still make it a surprise as to what was actually happening.
As we had decided we were only answering direct questions, none of our family had guessed it, although my two older sisters did help me think it through when I called them for advice. I ended up telling my parents that I was only answering direct questions, and they guessed it. As they are overseas, they didn't really have the option of getting overly-upset that they couldn't be there, and were good to me. (Also they sort-of eloped themselves. Mom followed Dad off to Germany when he joined the Army, and they married far away from any family.) But, my mother very heavily encouraged us to tell his mother...
Wednesday, my Yellow Farmer gave me a call. He sounded a little distressed. "Well," he said somberly, "I told my Mom."
"Ummmmm, and?" I asked.
"She's pretty upset.... she insists we tell the family."
Here's my dilemma. His entire family (well, almost) lives right here. Both sides, several generations back, tons of people. I have siblings spread thin throughout the country. A cousin who I'm just now getting to know is my only relative close by.
We had already made our promises to eachother. We just wanted it legalized as soon as possible. I was ready, and knew the time was right. If we tell everyone, his whole family will insist on being there. Suddenly, my sacred day of promise with my love will become an overwhelming display of scrutiny, of me with no physical support present, wrapped in a swarm of unfamiliar faces asking themselves 'who is this girl, and is she good enough for him... for our family?' *I* was NOT ok with this idea at all.
He tried to explain to her haw we felt, but it didn't seem to get him anywhere. I asked for her phone number to call her up and work things out. I told her how I felt and we came to a good compromise. We would tell our immediate family. Ok, they could be there. But no more than that...
So, we began calling family. All the while, I was (am) still working a 12 hour a day job, and trying to find the time to call and tell everyone.
I had always told my family I was going to elope, and they would know when I did. Well, I did call and tell them the first chance I really had - beginning first thing in the morning when I woke up on Thursday. There was so much to do!
My boss spoke with me and told me I've seemed a bit distracted lately. "Yeah," I answered, "I know. It's because I'm getting married."
Whoa! Surprise to him. "When?"
"Tomorrow."
That's how it went with all my family, too.
Stress, which I ultimately wanted to avoid as part of this, happened. But, we talked it out to eachother... we could have this short burst of stress, or we could have the long drawn out process of stress of planning a wedding and working everything out for everyone else, including all the wedding things they insist you have. THIS stress will be over NOW, relatively.
Yes, family / community celebration is important, but don't let it trump the importance of the promise between US. We'll share our commitment later...
