The DTR - Training Wheels
Derek came over last night. He had fair warning of what was ahead (I just told him we needed to talk in person) and the fear was evident in his face when he arrived. I could have just not mentioned it at all and sprung things on him, but I don't think that would have been fair.
So we spent time on the new Ikea comfy futon outside under the pavilion, and compared notes on a class we both took, with a little study. Then we finally got around to the scary stuff.
What's scary about it is that there is a timeline. I have to accept or refuse this Portland thing by Thursday, so he really does have to choose.
He kept "trying to find loopholes" as he put it - just speaking in hypotheticals and saying pros and cons for me. All the things I already know.
It was a long night. I wouldn't say we got nowhere... but there was no definite conclusion. We had a good talk, and I got some good compliments. He's great at compliments.
At the heart of the problem:
He's an engineer. He thinks there's some sort of formula for how a relationship works. Since nobody has taught him that formula he's afraid to even begin.
I'm an artist. I see all these little tools and colors and possibilities, and love the adventure of seeing what can be created from combinations.
I told him I'd be willing to be his training wheels. I don't even know him well enough to even think about what's going to happen eventually. But how can you enjoy one day at a time if you worry so much about what the outcome is supposed to be? I really don't know if I'll have to use a bike to get around, or ride it just for fun, or become a hardcore cyclist... and therefore I am worried about learning how to ride a bike. Could I give up Portland to be training wheels? Yes. But not if they just stay stored in the garage.
I wrote up a cover letter, and gave my resume to the Director of Development at my current job, applying to be her assistant. She said they wouldn't be hiring until into the summer. I mean, it would have been too easy to help my decision along if she'd have said, "sure, I'll hire you." But she did say she would put me a the top of the list to know when she is beginning to look.
That brings me back to my decision. It's still not definite either way what I'll decide if Derek says stay or go. Another song reference, hurray! The V. Femmes show up all over the place.
So we spent time on the new Ikea comfy futon outside under the pavilion, and compared notes on a class we both took, with a little study. Then we finally got around to the scary stuff.
What's scary about it is that there is a timeline. I have to accept or refuse this Portland thing by Thursday, so he really does have to choose.
He kept "trying to find loopholes" as he put it - just speaking in hypotheticals and saying pros and cons for me. All the things I already know.
It was a long night. I wouldn't say we got nowhere... but there was no definite conclusion. We had a good talk, and I got some good compliments. He's great at compliments.
At the heart of the problem:
He's an engineer. He thinks there's some sort of formula for how a relationship works. Since nobody has taught him that formula he's afraid to even begin.
I'm an artist. I see all these little tools and colors and possibilities, and love the adventure of seeing what can be created from combinations.
I told him I'd be willing to be his training wheels. I don't even know him well enough to even think about what's going to happen eventually. But how can you enjoy one day at a time if you worry so much about what the outcome is supposed to be? I really don't know if I'll have to use a bike to get around, or ride it just for fun, or become a hardcore cyclist... and therefore I am worried about learning how to ride a bike. Could I give up Portland to be training wheels? Yes. But not if they just stay stored in the garage.
I wrote up a cover letter, and gave my resume to the Director of Development at my current job, applying to be her assistant. She said they wouldn't be hiring until into the summer. I mean, it would have been too easy to help my decision along if she'd have said, "sure, I'll hire you." But she did say she would put me a the top of the list to know when she is beginning to look.
That brings me back to my decision. It's still not definite either way what I'll decide if Derek says stay or go. Another song reference, hurray! The V. Femmes show up all over the place.
posted by Amberlynn at
6:13 AM
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