The Decision
Yesterday, I fasted and prayed about pondered and meditated and wrote out all the pros and cons of staying here or accepting this job in Portland. At church the Sacrament Meeting (our main meeting, but with different speakers -chosen from the congregation- each week) talks were all about making decisions, and how to clearly know answers.
This is what I decided: Before I decide if I can accept this Portland job, I have to know Derek's real decision regarding us. If he wants me to stay, and if I stay - if he would be a real boyfriend rather than a pseudo boyfriend, then I will refuse this Portland job and work hard to find a job here. If he is still too afraid, or has decided I'm not the one, I will move. He's such a chicken, that I see the second choice as more likely, but we shall see. If he chooses not me, I will not be heartbroken and will easily just move on. He called me to pass the time on his 2hr drive home from his parents' house last night. I talked him into coming over today so we can talk, etc.
Yesterday, one of the scriptures we discussed regarding decision making seemed especially applicable. It reads perfectly with only a few word changes for the whole chapter if Derek does not come back around to really liking me. (I know Derek *is* looking for his future wife, and that he *did* like me when we "commenced.") I will give a short excerpt: D&C ch. 9
v7 - Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.
v9 - But, behold, I say unto you that you must study it out in your mind; and then you must ask me if it is right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
v9 - But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot date that which is sacred save it be given you from me.
v10 - Now, if you had known this you could have dated; nevertheless, it is not expedient that you should date now.
*v11* - Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now;
v12 - for, do you not behold that I have given unto my daughter Yellow sufficient strength, whereby she is made up? And neither of you have I condemned.
This is what I decided: Before I decide if I can accept this Portland job, I have to know Derek's real decision regarding us. If he wants me to stay, and if I stay - if he would be a real boyfriend rather than a pseudo boyfriend, then I will refuse this Portland job and work hard to find a job here. If he is still too afraid, or has decided I'm not the one, I will move. He's such a chicken, that I see the second choice as more likely, but we shall see. If he chooses not me, I will not be heartbroken and will easily just move on. He called me to pass the time on his 2hr drive home from his parents' house last night. I talked him into coming over today so we can talk, etc.
Yesterday, one of the scriptures we discussed regarding decision making seemed especially applicable. It reads perfectly with only a few word changes for the whole chapter if Derek does not come back around to really liking me. (I know Derek *is* looking for his future wife, and that he *did* like me when we "commenced.") I will give a short excerpt: D&C ch. 9
v7 - Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.
v9 - But, behold, I say unto you that you must study it out in your mind; and then you must ask me if it is right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
v9 - But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot date that which is sacred save it be given you from me.
v10 - Now, if you had known this you could have dated; nevertheless, it is not expedient that you should date now.
*v11* - Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now;
v12 - for, do you not behold that I have given unto my daughter Yellow sufficient strength, whereby she is made up? And neither of you have I condemned.
posted by Amberlynn at
5:04 AM
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