My biggest Insecurity

Yup. Family wins. (Ok, that's a good thing.) No boy willing to hang out with Yellow. I can do better, anyway.

Too bad I'm going to be really cute and charming at church tomorrow. Especially since I'm almost done there. If I can finally be brave enough to actually talk to anyone...

---On a Totally Different, and much more serious note---

So why do girls have it figured out that personality and brains really DO matter more than looks (but of course we'll take looks if we can get 'em) but guys will flip if a girl decides to . . . oh, let's say, not shave their legs?

Not all guys, I realize, but seriously. Most cultures out there understand how ridiculous it is to make a woman shave, but in our culture guys literally cringe.

FYI - I am shaving, now. I didn't last summer, for several reasons:
-My boyfriend (Idaho White) not only didn't care, but looked at me and seriously understood, "Why do you shave, anyway?"
-Buying razors, especially ones that do a halfway decent job and don't cause me to brake out in rashes or give me ingrowns are expensive, and I was (am) really poor.
-Rashes, and ingrowns are common, and they don't feel or look pretty.
-The people I knew in the town I lived in weren't bothered by it.
-My father, has always been VERY bothered by women who don't shave. I wanted to see if it was possible to open his (or anyone in my family's for that matter) mind about it. I think it just made them all think I'm even stranger than they already thought I was.
-I have stubble that pricks my legs by the end of the day anyway, and that hurts too. When you just let it grow, it's not a problem. (Guys leg hair isn't a problem.)

-But mostly, it was for my own being ok with myself. Body hair has always been the no.1 thing I've been self conscious about, and was the biggest thing that always made me feel miserable about my self image. For some girls it's weight, or shape, or something else. I've got a great shape, actually. But there are people out there who are fat because they live unhealthy lifestyles, and there are people out there who do everything they can, and are still fat because of some medical condition. And people have stood up and said "get over it!" Loud and clear. People stand up and say "It's ok to be big, you are still beautiful!" But NOBODY says that about the girl with facial hair. People not only think, but say really loudly, "ew gross." Everybody does!

This affected my self esteem in a BIG WAY. So, I did it (not shaving) for myself. If I can appreciate myself and feel beautiful at my hairiest, than I can accept myself the way my Heavenly Father made me, and I can love other people the way Heavenly Father made them too.
It was actually a wonderful experience for me, and I miss having someone like Idaho White around who loved me in such a Christ-like way.

But now, I shave again. I don't have that kind of support, and right now, I feel like I'm *so much* "in the world," with big city and hip fashion all around me (instead of my little granola-artsy town) that even at my dressiest I feel like my linens are not fine twined enough. It's hard enough finding an LDS guy who suits my tastes, but one who would be ok with me not shaving? I gotta let them have that for now -

But I don't want to change. I want to stick to my belief that modesty is truly humility in appearance - not just covering yourself, but not getting "holier than thou" based on style or name brand. If you don't know me, no - I am not a slob, and I'm not ugly. I actually love dressing up. I am confident enough not to wear make-up, and most people these days are learning to be ok with women letting their face show.

But I really really wish people could truly love all things about who they are. Yes, exercise, eat healthy, have good hygiene, care for your body-temple. But let it be loved how it was created! You ARE SO BEAUTIFUL - and so am I.

You'll never love who you want to be if you can't love who you are right now.