Poor Boy

Well, somehow the topic couldn't be avoided (me having an honesty complex and all). We watched Johnny Lingo (the new MGM version, oh yeah!) and then put in Finding Nemo. I think he was just trying to get in more yellow time, and I could have gotten some cuddle in, but I - I couldn't bring myself to do it. When he put Nemo in we began talking about dating, and weren't watching the movie at all, and finally it came out that I like Derek. NotDoc used to be Derek's home teacher - back during the initial excitingly scary first good times. Turns out Derek did talk about me, and he was excited. But that was then...

I told NotDoc how the hope of something happening with Derek is the only reason I have to stay here, and I just don't think that hope is strong enough to make it worth staying. NotDoc said "well, there's other guys out there." I definetly know that. He also said "it's his loss" and I said "I know, but I'm probably just prepairing him for when he does meet the right girl."

NotDoc then realized he was tired enough to go home, and left pretty quickly. I could see he felt rejected. I was sorry, but I have been totally honest with him the whole time. On the way out the door,He asked if our conversation was confidential i.e. 'can I talk to Derek about this?' I told him Derek already knows all this.

Why do we all have to be rejected? Well - it's just like in Johnny Lingo, the higher the price, the more valuable the prize. It just matters if we're willing to pay.