Read "Follow Up..." first

So it's been a few weeks since all the DTR and L-word stuff happened.

Last week was a rough one. All week long, every time I was with Mvob he irritated me. ...I must qualify...

He does everything right:
*He got me flowers and a card last week, 'cause he could tell I was "down"
*He tried teasing me to cheer me up
*He especially went out of his way to plan on spending Friday night with me, something that hasn't happened much since he started school and full time graveyard shift work.
*He asks me what he can do to be better
*He compliments me in all the right ways

So that fact that being with him was bothering me so much was bothering me even more than he was. It's really only one thing about *him* that was the source of all my irritation. This, I must admit, is really shallow. The best way I can describe it is, ya' know that guy on the dance floor who's so into making sure he has the best time possible that he's flailing all over the place, (with no rhythm) and hitting everyone around him without realizing it? Mvob is that guy. He's just so unaware of what's around him, in things he's saying or doing, that it's begun to really bother me. It especially bothered me as we went to the Erin McKeown concert last Saturday night, and he was trying to cheer me up by acting even sillier. So, he would grab my arms and make me do silly things... not realizing that his grabbing my arms and hitting those bony things against eachother was rough and hurt me (mildly, but it doesn't make me happy) so I get more down rather than up. Or when he throws his coat over my head tightly, scraping my face in the process. Just a build up of those types of things.

Also, his listening skills are getting on my nerves. I've had to tell him several things over and over again. "No, Jenny cannot come over for dinner on Sunday and therefore we're not inviting the girls we visit teach, it will only be us and your home-teachees." And then, three hours later, "Has Jenny told you if she can come?" "Are you inviting your girls over?" "So should I still invite me people?" "Is it cancelled?" How many times to I have to repeat this! etc.
And so, these little things are not really things I can easily bring up in a constructive way to talk about. So he just continues to wonder what's bothering me, and I continue to be bothered, especially by the fact that I'm bothered. Does this sort of thing really matter? Should it? How does it weigh? He's got the things that really matter, but if this is bothering me this much now, will it be something I can learn to put up with? It bothers me that I don't have the patience which I thought I had developed. Would it be better to keep myself in this situation to learn more patience, or to continue seeking someone who fits my wants better.

It comes to, as I was telling Idaho White when he came to visit... I'm beginning to realize the boys I like to date, and the boy I'd like to marry are not the same guy. Mvob doesn't fit in the boys I like to date category. But is this all because he's just so different than anyone I've delt with before?

So, Mvob finally got me to talk to him about all this yesterday, but I still don't feel any better about any of it. I told him I don't want him to want to change everything about himself to fit who I want him to be, because if he did that, then I wouldn't honestly know what I was getting into. It's post committed partnership that we can do everything to please eachother and change for the other person, but before that I want to do everything I can to accept the person including all their flaws. I think he got it.

But I still need to evaluate. Am I wanting to stick with him just because I'm worried I won't find someone that does have the important qualities that he does have? Am I wanting to dump him over such silly things?

It's been a very long time since I've dumped someone over something shallow. Especially in such a short time period... without moving to another state to make it so much easier on both of us....

I don't know what will happen!!!