I've been reminded that this needs an update. Thank you.
Well... I had no fun responses to my fun email. Oh well.
Every time I called Derek last week, he was on his way out the door. He'd been invited to a concert, he'd been called up and asked to help with a service project, he was going camping with his sister for the weekend. And none of his little one liner emails from work either. He had a busy week.
At least I was *invited* to go camping - but he already knew I had to work on Saturday. On Saturday, there was really no good reason for me to be there either. I was a little annoyed that I had to stand around doing nothing for twelve hours when I could have been camping with Derek. On the bright side - it was really cold this weekend, so I probably wouldn't have been too excited camping. I mean, it would have given the opportunity for body heat excuses... but his sister was there too, so he would have been cold.
He was his usual very distant self on Sunday. But at least cute smart doctor boy obviously made a point to say hi to me. And tasty Paraguay boy did as well. But those... AGAIN... were the usual talk going nowhere. Still no dates or even digits.
Then, Derek calls last night just to check in, and essentially apologize for "being a jerk" in his own words. WHAT IS THIS! I mean, if he would just stick to being the kind of jerk who either just doesn't treat me well in relation to others and doesn't notice it... I could pass it off to typical guyness. Or, if he treated me the way he does around others because he's a total player and doesn't want to scare off any of his other female conquests by being seen with me, I could just pass it off to typical guyness.
But instead, though I can truly see where he's coming from and why he acts the frustrating "he loves me he loves me not"-victorian courting way that he does... he recognizes the roller coaster he's taking me on and calls to apologize. And he does it in such a covert way that I can't even ever get mad at him. At least I mostly enjoy the roller coaster, even though I've never felt so frustrated!
I wish I could just let him go, but I think the reason I can't is because his sincerity on this ride reminds me of me! It's just very frustrating because usually I'm the one causing the ups and downs, not the one being taken on them. This must be my Karma come-around.
Well... I had no fun responses to my fun email. Oh well.
Every time I called Derek last week, he was on his way out the door. He'd been invited to a concert, he'd been called up and asked to help with a service project, he was going camping with his sister for the weekend. And none of his little one liner emails from work either. He had a busy week.
At least I was *invited* to go camping - but he already knew I had to work on Saturday. On Saturday, there was really no good reason for me to be there either. I was a little annoyed that I had to stand around doing nothing for twelve hours when I could have been camping with Derek. On the bright side - it was really cold this weekend, so I probably wouldn't have been too excited camping. I mean, it would have given the opportunity for body heat excuses... but his sister was there too, so he would have been cold.
He was his usual very distant self on Sunday. But at least cute smart doctor boy obviously made a point to say hi to me. And tasty Paraguay boy did as well. But those... AGAIN... were the usual talk going nowhere. Still no dates or even digits.
Then, Derek calls last night just to check in, and essentially apologize for "being a jerk" in his own words. WHAT IS THIS! I mean, if he would just stick to being the kind of jerk who either just doesn't treat me well in relation to others and doesn't notice it... I could pass it off to typical guyness. Or, if he treated me the way he does around others because he's a total player and doesn't want to scare off any of his other female conquests by being seen with me, I could just pass it off to typical guyness.
But instead, though I can truly see where he's coming from and why he acts the frustrating "he loves me he loves me not"-victorian courting way that he does... he recognizes the roller coaster he's taking me on and calls to apologize. And he does it in such a covert way that I can't even ever get mad at him. At least I mostly enjoy the roller coaster, even though I've never felt so frustrated!
I wish I could just let him go, but I think the reason I can't is because his sincerity on this ride reminds me of me! It's just very frustrating because usually I'm the one causing the ups and downs, not the one being taken on them. This must be my Karma come-around.
posted by Amberlynn at
9:07 AM
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