New Adventure
I wanted to write more about my last post, go in to details etc., and perhaps I still will, but I experienced something I’ve never felt in this way before: heartbreak. I’ve never fallen for anyone so fast, never allowed myself to GO with those feelings so fast, and never had the kind of heartache where I randomly burst out into tears throughout the day. I’ve never felt this way.
We’re positively going to remain good friends. It’s like having a new (self named) “Utah Band Boy” in my life. UBB was my best friend-soul mate from almost the time I knew him through now. Still is. We could/can talk about anything totally openly and honestly – and if one of us is holding something back, the other one knows it. We never dated, and both of us decided that was a good thing. UBB is married to a wonderful girl these days… The thing, though, that hurts the most is that I’ve had this wonderful month of constant high, and depth of life that lights my soul on fire. Now, although he will still be in my life, it can’t be the same.
What happened was he got back together with his last girlfriend. They broke up not too long ago, and just as I move on without letting go, still loved her. (I still love all my former loves – just in different ways.) She called him last week, and has made a lot of changes for the better in her life. All the reasons they broke up, the fact that he wants to settle down, have a family, etc… and that she was sure she never wanted to have children at all and just didn’t want to have a life like that… she told him she’s changed her mind. All the things he had always wanted her to say, she called up and said them.
And I don’t think it’s just a random plea to get him back, either. She went through this seminar program, one he’s been through as well, called Landmark Education. It seems to me like a really powerful program for positive effects in people’s lives. She’s gotten over her hang-ups, and so now they decided to get back together.
So, this is what I think is going to happen now: He was really guarded when we talked. I think it’s because he honestly felt very strong things for me – although he did know something was holding him back telling him not to be hasty about us, which is one reason why we never kissed – but he also has a strong history and feelings for her. He decided to choose her, which is why he won’t be the same at all now. If he felt for me so strongly, but chose her, for his and her sake he’ll have to really distance himself from me.
I hurt.
We’re positively going to remain good friends. It’s like having a new (self named) “Utah Band Boy” in my life. UBB was my best friend-soul mate from almost the time I knew him through now. Still is. We could/can talk about anything totally openly and honestly – and if one of us is holding something back, the other one knows it. We never dated, and both of us decided that was a good thing. UBB is married to a wonderful girl these days… The thing, though, that hurts the most is that I’ve had this wonderful month of constant high, and depth of life that lights my soul on fire. Now, although he will still be in my life, it can’t be the same.
What happened was he got back together with his last girlfriend. They broke up not too long ago, and just as I move on without letting go, still loved her. (I still love all my former loves – just in different ways.) She called him last week, and has made a lot of changes for the better in her life. All the reasons they broke up, the fact that he wants to settle down, have a family, etc… and that she was sure she never wanted to have children at all and just didn’t want to have a life like that… she told him she’s changed her mind. All the things he had always wanted her to say, she called up and said them.
And I don’t think it’s just a random plea to get him back, either. She went through this seminar program, one he’s been through as well, called Landmark Education. It seems to me like a really powerful program for positive effects in people’s lives. She’s gotten over her hang-ups, and so now they decided to get back together.
So, this is what I think is going to happen now: He was really guarded when we talked. I think it’s because he honestly felt very strong things for me – although he did know something was holding him back telling him not to be hasty about us, which is one reason why we never kissed – but he also has a strong history and feelings for her. He decided to choose her, which is why he won’t be the same at all now. If he felt for me so strongly, but chose her, for his and her sake he’ll have to really distance himself from me.
I hurt.
posted by Amberlynn at
5:42 PM
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