Longest Email Ever From Derek...
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While talking to him on the phone yesterday, when he told me he was going to a birthday dinner party last night... I gave him a bad time about how he avoids me when we're at church functions. I was a bit frustrated - but honestly thought, it's not worth this. This morning in my inbox he writes....
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I'm sorry. I'm generally a nice person, I promise. I'm sorry I've been a jerk to you. In a smaller role I am sure I could do much better. I don't have a good explanation, because I do think you're a really awesome girl and fun to be with (in a good way) and you've done a lot of really cool things. I'm just not prepared right now or something, and I'd rather fulfill a smaller role well than fill a larger role so poorly. I'm sorry I've been so lazy and forced you to pester, though pestering from cute girls isn't as tormenting as you think.
 
It's only March and you're here at least till June, so I don't agree with your "not making friends" speech. I've tried to include you on a few occasions, though I could do a much better job. I still think you should come to institute in Philly on Wednesdays. Even if you work till 7:00, the class goes till 8:30, so you could be there for an hour of it and to hang out with everyone afterwards. I'll pay your $3 toll. :) I know it's not fun to be isolated on the farm, though you are good at entertaining yourself and others. When it finally stops snowing, there are going to be hikes and trips to the Shore, and on some of those Saturdays you won't have to work. Hopefully this isn't a prison term for you. There is still a lot of good Amber Time to come, and, if I haven't permanently disqualified myself, I may ask for some.
 
I give you permission to use the cookie-making tablecloth for brownies, if that's what you need it for. I hope the concert is fun.
 
I reserve the right to think of a better response later, but I wanted to send some kind of email this morning. If the rest of this message is disagreeable, just read the first sentence.
 
Derek

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I wrote back and told him he is not being a jerk, and that I have no idea what "role" he's talking about. I told him I think the reason he does get nervous and avoid me is because he thinks there's some sort of special role he needs to play. I told him I just want a friend, and if I like him - so what - don't do anything unless its natural. I like all sorts of people I find interesting and think would make good friends.

I'm still frustrated and sick of all this.